Observations On Growing Older.

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU’VE EVER
BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU’LL EVER BE,
SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT
LASTS.

~Your Kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them!

~Going Out is good..

Coming Home is better!

~You Forget names …. But it’s OK because other people forgot they Even knew you!!!

~You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything …. Especially Golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It’s Called ” Pre-sleep”.

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an ” ON” and ” OFF” Switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words … ” what?” …….
” when?”… ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You notice everything sold in stores is ” sleeveless” !!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody Whispers.

~Now that your husband has retired …..

You’d give anything if he’d find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet …. 2 of which you will never wear.

~~~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

~Steve~      H/T  Cindy

Colorado Day-Care Center Proposal: Dolls Must Represent At Least Three Different Races

Warning..Duct Tape recommended.        ~ Steve~

I Wonder if they mean Horse racing, Nascar racing, and Top Fuel Dragsters?  hmm

Was looking for a No PC image. Found this and hey , works for me.

I personally like to mix and match the colors, but this will do.

Story by Michael Roberts  Of Denver Westword blogs

By Michael RobertsFri., Jul. 8 2011 at 1:31 PM

Here’s an item with the potential for firing up enemies of political correctness:

New rules proposed by the Colorado Department of Human Services include a requirement that all day-care centers in the state make available dolls representing three different races.

The 98-page document, obtained by 7News, features a slew of rule changes. Among them: children over age two must not be served whole milk without a note from a doctor, kids over age one can’t drink more than six ounces of juice per day, TV and computer time will be capped at twenty minutes daily, and staffers must wear clothes that cover their lap and shoulders. But arguably the most unusual suggestion pops up on page 77: “Dolls shall represent three (3) races.”

To make you even crazier the rest of story is  HERE!!

Ahh, A Little Spooky. Guess What It’s For.

I have to admit that this one is a little strange and sorta creepy. Well just look at who the H/T goes to and that explains a lot. Just kidding.

So the Game here is figure out what it’s a commercial for before the end. I never saw it coming. Good Luck.   ~Steve~

H/T  Dave.

Guys, Advice to Live By Or Die, Your Choice. LOL

I Just like the Pic. Crazy Friday..LOL

 

In the world of romance,

one single rule applies to men =

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes,

and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system =

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)In the rain (+But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It’s her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)

Rita is a dancer (-6)

Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)

And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is

painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans(-15)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION

She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, “Where?” (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen,

displaying what looks like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have???

Pass it on to the poor fellows for info & to the gals for a good laugh…!

Being in a state of gratitude, is at once the most humbling, as well as the most empowering of all human experiences.

Anonymous

~Steve~    A Big Hat Tip to Dear Lauren.

Grandma and Her TV

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.

The comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.” Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, “Hello son is your grandma home?”

The little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend

~Steve~

If You Are Going To Play The Ponies…

That my friends is not Jenny.

 

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him around the head with a frying pan. “What was that for?” the man asked. The wife replied: “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it , that I found in your pants pocket.” The man then said’ “When i was at the races last week JENNY was the name of the horse i bet on.’ “The wife apologised and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious, upon re-gaining consiousness the man asked why she had hit again. “Your horse phoned.”

~Steve~

Grandma, The Boy, The Minister, And The TV.

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.

The comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.” Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, “Hello son is your grandma home?”

The little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.

~Steve~

Tuesday Morning Chuckle.

An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal. The doctor says, ” Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?” Gary replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I’m done, *poof* the light goes off.” “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gary ‘s wife. “Marianne, he says, Gary is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, *poof* the light goes off?” “OH MY!” Marianne exclaims.!!!!” “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on their front door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it’s 3:00 in the morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months 

ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here,” replied the drunk, “on the swing,”

~Steve~             H/T     our very good friend  Joseph.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on their front door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it’s 3:00 in the morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here,” replied the drunk, “on the swing,”
~Steve~        H/T          Joseph