Saturday Morning Funny.

I bring you another video that is so bad and so stupid it is funny. My son who has just turned 13 likes to point out certain vids  that he finds hysterical.                                 oop’s a little warning on the language. just a little salty.

~ Steve~                    H/T The Short Fella who lives here.

Eight Thoughts To Ponder.

Number 8
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. They can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2
In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers–what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- – - and as someone recently said to me:

“Don’t worry about old age–it doesn’t last that long

 ~ Steve ~                                   H/T Ken L

Woman Stops Grizzly Attack– With 25 Cal Pistol.

 

This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy pistol
by a woman against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?  And do we 
really want the government telling us we can’t carry a gun?

The Beretta Jetfire:

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today! 

Just one shot to my boyfriend’s knee cap was all it took!!!!!
The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.   

It’s one of the best pistols in my collection.

~Steve~                                       H/T    FOTM’S  K.L

 

Maybe We Need A Laugh To Keep Us Going.

just to keep our strength up till we find out who, then tear them limb from limb.  

———————————————————————————————-

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. 

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. 

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”

Some people it’s always half empty.

Try and see it as half full.

~Steve~                                 H/T   FOTM WildBillAlaska

A Twofer On a Wednesday.

 

( I Couldn’t stop myself )  :D

Ammunition Is Getting Scarce
This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.
She looked at the ammo in the back of my SUV and said in a very sexy voice, “I’m a big believer in barter, big boy”. “Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?”
I thought a few seconds and asked, “what kinda ammo ya got?”

——————————————————————————————–

 

A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
“Anybody home?” she asked.
“Yep,” came a kid’s voice through the door.
“Is your father there?” asked the social worker.
“Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,” said the kid.
“Well, is your mother there?” persisted the social worker.
“Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,” said the kid.
“But,” protested the social worker, (thinking that surely she will need to intervene in this situation) “are you never together as a family?”
“Sure, but not here,” said the kid through the door. “This is the outhouse!”
Government workers are so very smart. Aren’t you overjoyed that they’ll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?

~ Steve~                                      H/T    Wild Bill Alaska

What Makes Grandmas So Smart?

I was out walking with my grandson. He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth.
I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.
“Why?” my grandson asked.
“Because it’s been on the ground; you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs. Sometimes germs make little boys sick and not feel good,” I replied.
At this point, my grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked: “Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly and said to him, “All Grandmas know stuff. It’s on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Grandma.”
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.
“Oh…I get it!” He beamed. So, if you don’t pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa!”

“Exactly,” I replied with a big smile on my face.
When you’re finished laughing, send this to a Grandma you know!!

~Steve~                       H/T    Eowyn’s Pal  Sol

Blonde Joke. Just Kidding, Let’s do Rednecks Today.

My Uncles. Billy Bob, Willy Bob, and umm Mary. DADT..

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?’
‘Cooter’s wife gave it to me,’ Ronnie replies.
‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?’
‘Well, not exactly’, Donnie says. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “you must be Cooter’s widow.”
She said, ‘You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.’
Then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.’
Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

~Steve~                                 H/T   Hardnox

Warning!!! Blonde Joke. Don’t read if you have no sense of Humor.

THE BLONDE WHO HUNTED ALLIGATORS:

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, ‘Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!’

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, ‘Well, little lady, why don’t you go give it a try?’

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.

Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration……

” Sonofabitch!! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!!!!! “

~Steve~                                       H/T  Grouchy

From the Highway Patrol.

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.

I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance.

The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something—body language, or the way she said it—made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.

I then asked her what was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, “Not a Freaking thing.”
~Steve~             H/T  Joseph

New Blonde (or insert your own) Joke…sorry..LOL

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He  finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After  sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna  hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell  that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that  blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

~Steve~                                      H/T   I_MAN