Saturday Morning Funny.

I bring you another video that is so bad and so stupid it is funny. My son who has just turned 13 likes to point out certain vids  that he finds hysterical.                                 oop’s a little warning on the language. just a little salty.

~ Steve~                    H/T The Short Fella who lives here.

Warning…Blonde Jokes. Sense of Humor Only.

 

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
“No,” she says, “yesterday I nearly got caught!”

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s writing on the white-out.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get channel 9.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W’s.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!” In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
~Steve~

 

 

Friday Howler

Axel + rod + grease = slippery pole

He even says it with a straight face:

“Governor Romney thinks he can operate under a different set of rules, he has a sense of entitlement, that he doesn’t have to operate under the same rules that presidential candidates have for decades. “Not just disclosure on his tax returns, by the way, but who is raising money for him, his so-called ‘bundlers,’” David Axelrod said on CNN tonight.

“He left office in Massachusetts with the hard drives from his computers, with all his records, because he said he didn’t want opposition researchers looking. He did the same thing when he left the Olympics. He has a penchant for secrecy and he thinks he can play by a different set of rules. No, I don’t accept his word on what his taxes say,” Axelrod said.

Click here for the related video, but be advised FotM will not be responsible for the grease left behind in your monitor.

-Dave

(h/t: boortz.com)

Wal-Mart Airlines…

Oh no, they are now flying……scary stuff!!

Death takes a holiday.  Wonder how long his flight was delayed?

Did you say free refills?

Somehow I always manage to sit next to this person

 

“These are paid for and I want to be sure everybody gets to appreciate them” 

Brought his own flotation device…

h/t Kelly

DCG

Warning!!! Blonde Joke. Don’t read if you have no sense of Humor.

THE BLONDE WHO HUNTED ALLIGATORS:

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, ‘Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!’

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, ‘Well, little lady, why don’t you go give it a try?’

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.

Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration……

” Sonofabitch!! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!!!!! “

~Steve~                                       H/T  Grouchy

New Blonde (or insert your own) Joke…sorry..LOL

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He  finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After  sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna  hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell  that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that  blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

~Steve~                                      H/T   I_MAN

Golf Joke

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golfballs
and sat down next to a beautiful–you guessed it–blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?“

~Steve~      H/T  LTG friend Charlotte.

Rooneyisms

If you liked Andy Rooney, you’ll like these!Rooneyisims:This little piece could well serve to honor one whose last few years evidenced great wisdom, though, at the same time he became something of an cranky old dude If you will take the time to read these. I promise you’ll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis:

They’re written by Andy Rooney , a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words.Enjoy…….
I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned…. That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I ‘ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile..

I’ve learned…. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned….. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned….. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

~Steve~                                   H/T    Richard

Sears Catalog, Rednecks and Dopey skippy

This has absolutely nothing to do with skippy. Just felt like calling him a dope.

Two rednecks were looking at a

Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other,

‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?’

The second one replies, ‘Yes, they are very beautiful

And look at the price!’
The first one says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive.

At this price, I’m buying one.’
The second one smiles and pats him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one

And if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.’

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks

His friend,

‘Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?’
Scroll down pls. 

 

 

Keep scrolling

 

 

just one more scroll.

 

Are ya ready?

 

The second redneck replies……

“No , but it can’t be long now..
I got her clothes yesterday! “

~Steve~             H’T     Grouchy.

Enough of Dumb Blonde, Brunette, Redhead, Black , Curly, straight, long, short Jokes!

A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he’s doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype
Swedish blond women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general…pathetically all in the name of humor!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:
“You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little poop head  on your lap.”
~Steve~                           H/T  I_Man