A day in the life of Maru…

Found this cute kitty on YouTube. Precious!

DCG

What Do You Get When You Have A Drunk Cowboy, Old Woman, And A Mule? Why A Happy Ending Of Course.

An old woman prospector shuffled into town leading a tired old mule.

The old woman headed straight for the only saloon to clear her parched throat.

She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, “Hey Old WOMAN, have you ever danced?”

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, “Hey Old WOMAN, have you ever danced?”

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance … Never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet…

The old woman prospector –not wanting to get her toe blown off– started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and ****** both hammers…

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “son, have you ever licked a mule’s behind?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No ma’am … But … I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here:

1 – Never Be Arrogant.
2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
4 – Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid…

~ Steve~                          H/T   Joseph

 

Single black female seeks male companionship

The most effective singles ad, ever, in the Atlanta Constitutional-Journal!

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me…. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I’ll be waiting…..

Scroll down for the thunderous response to the ad!

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society. LOL

Snopes says they don’t know whether the faux ad was actually published in Atlanta Constitutional-Journal or another newspaper, but that the gag is several years old and that there are several versions of the ad floating around on the net.

The Atlanta Humane Society said they’ve received calls from men responding to the fake ad, and that whoever started this gag should know that’s a rotten way to get people to adopt homeless dogs because it’s deceptive.

H/t FOTM’s joworth!

~Eowyn

The Only Time You’ll Ever See A Muslim Kiss A Pig

 

Obama is thinking: “This proves I am not a Muslim – no Muslim would kiss a pig.” 

Pelosi is thinking: “I’ve had so many face lifts, you are actually kissing my ass.”

 

~Steve~                        H/T   Ken L.

A Little Brain Game.

points awarded for lack of coffee.  :)

Why is our little fox so puzzled? Can you find all of his friends in this beautiful puzzle by Currier & Ives:

OH click pic for a better view!!!!

I found this here.

www.moillusions.com/2013/05/puzzled-fox-optical-illusion.html

It’s a FaceBook Page and you can either play there  or here.

~Steve~

Dachshund reunited with his foster mom

Photo by Hilary Benas

A One-Eyed Dachshund Named Captain Morgan Has a Touching Reunion with His Foster Mom

Dogster.com: A dachshund called Captain Morgan (so named because he has only one eye, like a pirate — arrgh) was headed to a bad place fast. He was stuck in a high-kill shelter in Selma, AL, and his number was nearly up. He slept on a cold concrete floor. During bath time, staff sprayed him with a hose. He had heartworm, which was untreated. It looked like it wasn’t going to end well.

But Sara Cross, founder of Badass Brooklyn Animal Rescue, and Eva Armstrong, one of the group’s rescuers, didn’t want to see that happen. The rescue works with Alabama’s Wannabe Rescued to help bail dogs out of the Selma pound. The two groups do so because dogs don’t stand a chance at that place. Once local foster parents in Alabama are fully tapped, Badass Brooklyn steps in to bring the dogs up north to place them in foster homes.

Badass has saved more than 800 dogs from high-kill pounds in the South.

“We really want people to understand the urgency here,” Cross told the New York Daily News. “You either take the dog or the dog gets killed the next day. There’s no other option.”

Captain Morgan got his ticket out in March alongside 30 other dogs that day. In New York, the group typically fosters out the dogs, but Captain Morgan was a special case — he had heartworm. He needed treatment. Armstrong let the one-eyed dog stay with her while he got healthy, and Cappy (short for Captain Morgan) jumped right in. Bonding, as they say, took place.

Cappy slept in Armstrong’s bed. They watched TV. They took walks. The dog learned how to be a happy puppy to a loving caretaker, and Armstrong’s kindness made a big impression on the little dog. After he was adopted to a couple in Park Slope, Brooklyn, Cappy didn’t forget his rescuer. When the two were reunited earlier this month at one of Badass Brooklyn’s block parties, Cappy spotted Armstrong from a distance, ran over, and leapt into her arms.

Photographer Hilary Benas caught the embrace at the perfect time. The photo went viral.

“It’s great that he found a home right here in Park Slope,” Armstrong said. “When he sees me, he goes nuts.”

Cross told the told the Huffington Post that she see this a lot: “Whenever any of us run into dogs that we have fostered or rescued, they always recognize us and are so excited to see us. Dogs remember the person who saved their life and helped them on their way to a forever home.”

If you would like to help facilitate more happy reunions like this one, you can donate to Badass Brooklyn via its Facebook page and website.

“Cappy would not be alive were it not for a small group of dedicated volunteers in Selma, Alabama,” Cross told the Daily Mail. “We would not even know these dogs exist, let alone be able to rescue them, if it were not for amazing volunteers.”

DCG

Marine reunited with his Military Working Dog

AP Photo: Charlie Neibergall

Marine, dog partner reunited in surprise ceremony

Seattle Times: When Marine Sgt. Ross Gundlach served as a dog handler in Afghanistan, he told the yellow Lab who was his constant companion that he’d look her up when he returned home. “I promised her if we made it out of alive, I’d do whatever it took to find her,” Gundlach said.

On Friday, he made good on that vow with help from some sentimental state officials in Iowa who know how to pull off a surprise.

Since leaving active duty to take classes at the University of Wisconsin this summer, Gundlach, of Madison, Wis., had been seeking to adopt 4-year-old Casey.

The 25-year-old learned Casey had finished her military service and had been sent to the Iowa State Fire Marshal’s Office, where she was used to detect explosives.

Gundlach wrote to State Fire Marshal Director Ray Reynolds, explaining the connection he felt with the dog. He even has a tattoo on his right forearm depicting Casey with angel wings and a halo, sitting at the foot of a Marine.

“He’s been putting a case together for the last two months, sending me pictures … it just tugged on your heart,” Reynolds said. Reynolds decided to arrange a surprise. First, he got in touch with the Iowa Elk’s Association, which agreed to donate $8,500 to buy another dog for the agency.

“We have a motto in our association that as long as there are veterans, the Elks will strive to help them,” Iowa Elks Association president Tom Maher said.

Then, Reynolds came up with a ruse to get Gundlach to Des Moines, telling Gundlach he needed to come to the state Capitol to plead his case in front of a “bureaucratic oversight committee.”

When Gundlach arrived with his parents, Reynolds told them the meeting had been delayed and invited them to join an Armed Services Day celebration in the rotunda. There, hundreds of law enforcement officers, military personnel and civilians were seated, keeping the secret – until they brought out Casey.

AP Photo: Charlie Neibergall

When Gundlach saw Casey, he put his head in his hands and cried. She licked his face, wagging her tail furiously. “It was a total surprise,” he said. “I owe her. I’ll just try to give her the best life I can.“

His father, Glen Gundlach, seemed just as surprised. “It’s unbelievable … the state of Iowa, I love `em,” he said.

Gov. Terry Branstad officially retired Casey from active duty during Friday’s ceremony, thanking the dog for a “job well done.”

During the 150 missions they performed together, Gundlach said Casey never missed an explosive – she caught three before they could be detonated. He credits her for making it back home safely. “I wouldn’t be here … any kids I ever had wouldn’t exist if Casey hadn’t been here,” he said.

Luvs a happy ending!

DCG

Blind dog gets seeing-eye cat

When 8-year-old Labrador mix Terfel started losing his eyesight, he was diagnosed with cataracts and began confining himself to his bed to avoid bumping into things.

But then his owner, Judy Godfrey-Brown, let a stray cat into their North Wales home and something amazing happened.

The cat, named Pwditat, approached Terfel and seemed to sense that he couldn’t see. Using her paws, she coaxed him out of his basket and led him out into the garden.

“Pwditat immediately seemed to know that Terfel is blind through some sort of sixth sense that animals have,” said Anne Cragg, a friend who looked after the animals when Godfrey-Brown was in the hospital.

“They’re fantastic friends. They really love each other. They are glued to each other and even sleep together now,” she said.

Today, the unlikely pair is virtually inseparable and Pwditat serves as Terfel’s seeing-eye cat, guiding the blind dog around the house and through the garden – and proving that dogs and cats really can be friends.

DCG

We Need A Laugh Or Two. Hope This Does It.

 

Baby Mole

A daddy mommy and baby mole are in their hole relaxing one morning when daddy mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, “I smell pancakes”.

Mommy mole sticks her head out the tiny hole and says, “I smell pancakes too…pancakes with maple syrup!! Baby mole come smell the pancakes with maple syrup”.

Baby mole sticks his head upwards to get to the hole and exclaims “I cant smell anything but moleasses?!”

————————————————————————————————–

Sex vs Secs

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, “,Daddy, what is sex?”,

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the ‘birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, “,Why did you ask this question?”,

The little girl replied, “Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”    ( Ouch )

~Steve~                                       H/T   http://dailyjokes.co

 

One happy puppy!

“My son Matthew went into the Air Force and had a dog named Tucker that he was very close to. Unfortunately, Tucker passed away while Matt was in basic. A few months later we got a new puppy and named him Ace. Matt came home on leave for 2 ½ weeks and met Ace. He then went to Kuwait for 6 months and came back, and I wanted to see (knowing Matthew for only a couple of weeks) if Ace would remember him.  So, when he came home, I put Ace out on the deck and had Matt sit on the floor. This is the video.”

DCG