MY NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true? *
*A: Heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste it on
exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart does not make
you live longer; it’s like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no! Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they
take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that
way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? * (Good Catch Grouchy)
*A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodys, your ratio is two to one.
*Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program? *
*A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How can getting more
vegetables be bad?
*Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle? *
*A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be
doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? *
*A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It’s best
feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? *
*A: If swimming is good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? *
*A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other
- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO,
what a ride!!”
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
~Steve~ H/T Our Canadian Brother Joseph