A new sign in the Bank reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1… Drive up to the ATM.
2. LOWER your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Raise window.
7. Drive off..
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(Unfortunately, most of this is true.!!) Hey, He said it not me.. 
1. Drive up to ATM machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Attempt to Re-insert card the right way.
10. Get out of car and pick up card you dropped.
10. Insert card
11. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12. Enter PIN …
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Decide to check balance.
14. Take slip with balance and press new transaction.
14. Redo steps 6-12
15. Enter amount of cash required.
16. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
17. Retrieve cash and receipt.
18. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
19. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.
20. Re-check makeup.
21. Drive forward 2 feet.
22. Reverse back to ATM machine.
23. Retrieve card.
24. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot provided.
25. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
26. Restart stalled engine and drive off.
27. Redial person on mobile phone.
28. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.
29. Release Hand Brake.
30. Don’t kill the messenger.
~Steve~ H/T I-Man
It’s “jokes” like this that lends fuel to PC.
I’m a woman and I’m always organized and prepared when I go to the ATM machine. I challenge Mr. macho I-Man to an efficiency duel against me — any time.
Not even #25? Awww…cmon…..!
25. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
Now why would I do that?
Besides, like Wendy, I’ve never used a drive-through ATM. I prefer to park my car and walk to the ATM machine and, thereby, burn a couple of calories.
Eowyn, I would put you up against anybody in anything at anytime.
As I say not at anyone here, and could be men or women.
Me too! Bring it on dude. I never use a drive thru anyway. I get out of my car and walk to a very public ATM machine in front of Publix Grocery Store. Then, go shopping. Everything I need fits into one pocket of my jeans. I never carry a purse and haven’t since college. I’m no Miss Bungle.
Wendy, why not just use the ATM at checkout in Publix? Even get cash back. They are like my bankers.. even though my bank is 3 doors down.LOL
So how are they at the polling booth?
hehehe
I don’t do drive-ups…did you ever drop your
card under the car? Doing things like that and even toll-
baskets is too stressful for me…so I go in and have a flirt
with the girls at the counter.Sometimes they give me a candy.
I also give fair warning in the grocery that any line is faster than
the one that follows me.
Steve~
I am MOST DEFINITELY this woman! But you forgot one…..I am usually slapping towards the back seat screaming “BE QUIET”! So the man behind me is too scared to ever quit smiling even if he is irritated. Besides, you guys don’t realize that the car is the only place a mother can legally tie her child to a seat! When do men expect us to do our makeup?
Miranda, thank you as I will now be cleaning off coffee from screen. That has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read on FOTM.
Too funny, thanks for the laugh.
HAHAHAHA! Oops! Hehehe…
Hey, what can I say, I’m honest. In fact, as we speak….one just tip-toed into the kitchen and is trying to get the candy outa of the cabinet. He thinks he is being sneaky.
dan we should go to same bank. I love going into Suntrust as all the women there are so nice. I don’t get any cand though.
I see I’ve raised some ire. LOL. Listen I have gotten behind people of both sexes that have done this. At ATM’s and esp supermarket. C’mon if this condones PC then my mistake as I thought we do non pc on purpose. OK I’ll find one where the guy is the dope. It was a joke. Your going to tell me
.
(My Favorite) That in supermarket, person in front of you on 10 items or less line cash only has not went there with 20 items, is on phone, looks surprised when the total comes up. Digs for CC or check..remember cash only. Publix here the employees are not allowed to say anything..I can and do. It was a joke….ha ha
I’m a little shocked that you would think I meant anyone here. Everyone here runs rings around the general population.
Pls , was not meant for here. We need to laugh at life’s absurdity’s.
Steve,
LOL – Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with stirrin’ the puddin’ now and then.
Hell, I do it all the time.
-Dave
Dave, not me. wink wink, nudge nudge.
Steve, I call ‘em everytime…those losers who want to use the 10 items or less isle. I tell ‘em they’re jerks and they know what they’re doing is wrong. They just don’t care how they treat other people. I KNOW the staff can’t tell them, so I do!!!
You know Publix (Love them) policy. Ahh, but we can and do..LOL
Steve,,, KUDO’S to ALL of us, as all of us have, at one time or another, had a massive brain fart that pissed off all those behind us,,, I am sending you a poem I wrote, several years ago,,, You’ll see what I mean~!
In the meantime,,, realize one thing above all,,, We are ALL HUMAN,,,, and HUMANS HAVE BRAIN FARTS~!,,, That is part of our Challenge, and part of our Glory~!
Grouchy, can’t argue with that logic.
I thought this article hit the nail on the head and was funny! The last time I did this….I finally left. I couldn’t find my card…that night, my hubby dug it outa the CD player. One of the kiddos had stuffed it into the cd slot! What can I say….Sh*t happens!
OK, will now clean coffee off again.. You are too funny. How old are the kiddos?. I have one and will be 12 soon. Ugg, I miss the peanut butter and jelly in VCR. Enjoy them while they are young.
Hehehehe….now that is one I haven’t heard! Boy is 4 girl is 3. They double team me. A couple of days ago my little girl spilt whole box of cereal. While we were cleaning it up, son went out to the storage building and drug out the blow up Santa Claus for the front yard. When I walked into the living room, there was the blow up Santa, jumping in and out of the Christmas tree. I couldn’t help it, I had to laugh! I swear they had planned it!
Miranda, that is funny. You do know why God made kids cute. So you don’t throw them out the window.
Hmm, double trouble.Yikes!! We just have the one “Lonely child”
That’s what he used to say instead of “Only”
Well….I think mine are cute but I don’t know if everyone else thinks they are. They are both very strong minded {don’t know where they get that from
}. I know that someday I will be glad, but it makes everyday…..what’s the word….interesting! Very fun though! God has taught me a lot, a lot, a lot! 12 yrs old is when urs starts getting busy right? I bet y’all are having fun! My little brother graduated last yr, he is 10 yrs younger, and my mom is suffering from empty nest like u cannot imagine! And I live not even a BLOCK from her! from 12 on it flies by!
Miranda, all I can say is enjoy them while they are young as it goes by real fast. I’m sure you heard that and so did I, but it really is true. I’m a full time stay at home Dad so we have spent our entire lives together since he was 3. Kinda kule, but we are both stuborn Taurus’s. Yikes!. Anyway I wish he was a goober again. Bigger kids bigger problems. My Son really is a good kid. Yeah he can be a dope like all kids , but has a good heart. Started 6th grade and middle school this yr. He will survive, I won’t.
He has gotten into a few fights (Wonder where he gets that from) Not at school, but with a kid from school. The second one he went down with kid and kid got up first and kicked my son in face and head 3 times. Black and blue. That was the day I realized I can’t fight all his battles. I mean I know what I put my parents thru…pay back.
There was another incedent 2 8th graders roughed him up a bit. He blasted his way out but again nothing I can do. Well on that we went to school and lets just say we are on first name basis with everyone.
Out of 1100 kids my Son is the only one who has permission if something happens to get up in any class and go right to principal, dean of disipline, or the School cop. He has to answer to no one..LOL. Thats because he told his teacher in next class and filled out a report and nothing was done till next day.
I can understand your MOM. It’s tough letting go. We have taught him well. He does not start fights but will finish, Loves God and hates skippy.
Knows more about Politics and Global warming crap then most adults.
For now just laugh at the absurdity of childhood. I miss it…bad.
Steve
I have seen many women drive just the way described above; and I have seen many men drive like the gas peddle was an extension of their manhood.
OH M’Gawsh, Sage,,, You mean it’s NOT~!~?~!~?~!~?
( SNIRK )
Grouchy – I calls ‘em likes I sees ‘em.
Miss Sage, you mean the short and stubby one on the right.
ROFL!! alright sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble,I’ve been behind these kind of women before and it’s not fun!! I’m only laughing cause I’m not behind one now!!!!!
I just get cash back at the checkout line at Publix.
It’s quick, safe, easy, and free (for now, anyway).
-Dave
Ahh, I just said that.
I have never responded so many times to one post. Kule!!
No Comment.
What??? You have no comment? Then why even bother to post? I’m sure you have an opinion on this, or maybe you’re one of those “imagined privilaged ones” that think the basic laws of decency don’t apply to you?
I think she was kidding as in ” Like pleading the 5 th”
Wendy;
First, I am Not a Politician; so I Don’t Feel Privilaged, Real or Imagined! Except; to say I feel privilaged to be called a Christian and follower of Jesus Christ as My Savior!
Second; since my post on Tuesday, a funny thing happened to me as I went to a Bank’s ATM Wednesday. A woman did the very same things that are listed above; and she had a vanity-plate with the name Wendy on it. Although Wendy is a very common name; You were the First Person I thought of.
God Bless You Wendy.
That was stupid
Humans have one trait in common, whether we like it or not,,, We are NOT Vulcans, and therefore always completely and irrevocably logical,,, We are funny, NOT always by design, but just by LIFE, and Living,,,
Stupid??? Observe, American,,, and laugh your self sick, till your tummy hurts~! ( I DO hope you are not recovering from an appendectomy~! )
Grouchy , speak for your self. I am now doing a
“Vulcan Mind Meld” to you.
American, thanks for adding to the discussion. It really got it moving.
All the extra-complexity of the Ladies methodology has to do with ‘Brain Development and Preservation’. Us guys tend to ‘short cutting’ and eventually end up begging for mercy from the Ladies.
Still here waiting at the ATM.