31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won’t fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken
26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
25. You can’t feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We’re vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy..
19. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
8. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate
6. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
4. I don’t have a favorite college team.
3. You Guys.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY (EVER):
1. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole busload of us
down to re-elect OBAMA.
~Steve~ H/T Miss May
Hysterical and absolutely true!
Hard, 28 is an all time favorite. Just love my 100 mph tape.
Now Steve, my feelings are a little dinged here, good buddy! First off, you live in Floridada, so I know you know, and my first wife was from St Pete, and I have “The Best of Jeff Foxworthy” and all three of “The Best of Bellamy Brothers” tapes, and Yes, my neck is well-tanned from being outside a lot, and well Hell, bro, it’s just that everything here is true, but that 100 mph duct tape remark… well, I just don’t know…. What I mean is, how did ya manage to stand on the car AND tape it at 100 mph?
ROFLMAO~! I’ve even fixed a radiator hose ( Temporarily~! ) with Duct Tape~!
Steve, Miss May,,, THANKS~!
Grouchy, I always love your answers. You’re a real character!! I vote for duct tape fixes ANYTHING!!!! Terry & I live in the northwest Florida panhandle, close to Alabama. Yee Haaaaa!
Hell, Wendy used it as a “temporary restraint” on her kids when they were young!
(they are in their 30′s now, and still need it from time to time)
As a true Dixie-lover, these all are absolutely true!!
Very funny!
However, cappuccino does taste better than espresso. LOL
Guess I’m just not cut out to be a southerner.
Many are called, but few are Chosen. We still love ya!
#20 is one that I heard by a fellow diner at a breakfast buffet in Arkansas on a trip to Texas a few yrs. back… “Who are they kiddin’ with the fruits ‘n stuff…on to the bisquits!” Serious!
LOL… Absolute truth to these!
Hahaha! You got that right kiddo!!
You should have seen my hubby’s face when he yelled, “Throw me the duct tape!” and I handed him hot pink zebra. (hot pink zebra Duct tape, it’s a southern girl’s best friend) he was like, “that’s just WRONG!” we have been married for 7 yrs and I decided b/c he wasnt going to change, I might as well try to make it look pretty. I am always going to have duct tape in my life, so why not have it look like an accessory! (his toolbox gets lots of comments down at the parts house-and it looks great on his border Collies collar! ;~}) Hehehe…I love it!
Miranda, you bring a tear to my eye. Hubby better realize how good he has it. You rock..
Steve
Well folks, I’m a transplanted California girl and have now lived in “the south” for 20 years. It took me 12 years just to try grits…and I was working part time at the local Waffle House! Two years ago, I finally bit the head off a mudbug and sucked the juice at our annual Crawfish Festival. I’m gettin’ there! I do so love the warmth and hospitality here.
She begs for my grits now.
My secret? Bacon grease!
You got it Terry, grits are one of God’s gifts to man…
Kheta-so is bacon grease!